Muffins ONE SHOT
by Isil Maxfan
Summary: Artemis Fowl Senior and Angeline went out for dinner Butler has a broken arm and the cook has the day off. What happens when Artemis II wants muffins?


-1**Muffins**

**---------------------------------------------**

The usual :

" " talking

' ' **Artemis thinking**

**------------------------------------------------------**

Artemis Fowl II was not happy. Everyone else was doing a fine job of being contented with this day, well if you ignored Butler's broken arm. But even the manservant was pleased with the prospect of a peaceful night. But Artemis had found a problem with the quiet night and there was only one solution.

One hour earlier

Today was Mother's day, and Artemis Fowl Senior was leaving with Angeline Fowl. They were going on a romantic dinner cruise-alone.

"Now Arty, if you get hungry the cook left you some things in the refrigerator." Angeline Fowl said kissing Artemis on the forehead. Artemis flinched.

"Mother please. There is nothing to worry about." Artemis replied ever polite.

"Quite right, I'm sure. Let us go Angeline." Artemis Fowl Senior input.

The cook had the day off. Tonight it would be just Butler and Artemis Fowl II. And with Butler's broken arm (sustained during the liberation of a certain amount of Pharaoh's gold from a crooked dealer in Cairo) it would be a quiet night. Artemis went to his room as his parents pulled out of the drive, Butler close behind. Artemis sat at his computer to put in his daily diary entry. Forty -five minutes later his stomach growled.

"I'm hungry Butler. I'm going to the kitchen." So he made his way to the kitchen Butler in tow (He was hungry too, and you can never be too careful)Artemis opened the refrigerator and saw:

Roast ham **'Hmm not today' **

Deviled eggs **'I think not!'**

And Black Forest gateau **'Eww too much sugar'**

Artemis had a craving for something. He just wasn't sure what that something was. So he put his big brain to work trying to determine the cause of the craving. And he ascertained it to be: **Muffins, **freshly cooked blueberry muffins. This created problems.

1. There weren't any fresh ones in the house.

2. His mother and father were out as well as the cook.

3. Butler's arm was broken and no offense but cough can't cook well cough

4. Juliet was on the wrestling circuit

5. The nearest store's muffin's would not be fresh and

6. Butler refused to drive with out a free hand for a gun

Artemis decided to call Holly Short on his fairy phone. He thought it would be a long shot that Holly would help him and he was right. Holly answered.

"Holly umm I need some help." Artemis said not liking it one bit to ask for help.

"What kind of help Artemis? Has something come up that could threaten Haven cause I'm not on the force any more, you know." Holly replied.

"Not that kind of help Holly. Umm well. I can't cook" Artemis finally got out.

"I'm not your house elf Fowl get someone else to do it!" Holly spat back.

click

This left one solution: Artemis would have to make the muffins. Problems. Well the one BIG problem

1. Artemis had never cooked before! Ever!

Artemis wasn't unduly worried though. All he had to do was follow a recipe right? He grabbed the nearest laptop and looked up the recipe. He then checked the restaurant style refrigerator for the ingredients. Then he realized that they were out of blueberries! Could this night get worse? As mentioned before Butler won't drive if he doesn't have a free hand for a gun or weapon. Artemis considered calling a car to pick himself and Butler up and take them to the store. But it was too late in the evening. It was either a taxi or … Artemis drives. Artemis wasn't sure which would be worse so he decided to try his hand at driving. That would be two new things learned in one night. Artemis thought Butler wouldn't like the idea. And he didn't. But he agreed to it nonetheless.

One heart pounding "car ride" later

Butler decided that Artemis was to never drive again. Butler just wasn't as young as he used to be and the car ride had taken a few more years off his life-span. But Artemis had blueberries. Artemis followed the recipe exactly. Then he put the pan in the oven for the muffins to cook. The recipe had a time of 15- 25 minutes or until golden brown and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. So 15 minutes later Artemis inserted a toothpick. It came out with batter still on it and Artemis burned his hand. So he came back 10 minutes later…and they were burnt. So he tried again this time watching in between the 15 and 25 minute times but no matter how many time's he inserted a toothpick the center refused to get done and they refused to brown.

"They say watched muffins don't brown Artemis." Butler tried.

"That's preposterous Butler they have to brown." Artemis retorted.

The cookies had reached the 45 minute mark when Artemis heard a giggle. He recognized that giggle.

"Holly Short if you would please explain." Artemis called into the shadowy corner. Holly emerged and couldn't hold in her giggling any longer.

"Sorry Artemis I couldn't help myself. It's a miniaturized time stop field." She pressed a button and instantly the muffins burned. " Only problem is there are still a few bugs with unfreezing things." She giggled again.

"Holly!" Artemis cried exasperatedly.

" Don't get you're acorns in a crunch I'll make you another batch." Holly answered his glare with a smile.

"But we're out of blueberries." Butler said.

"I figured as much." Holly replied pulling out a new container of blueberries. "Leave it to me." And 20 minutes later Artemis Fowl, Domovoi Butler and Holly Short were enjoying Blueberry muffins together.

"Hey you never said why you changed your mind." Butler inquired.

" Let's just say I had the sneaking suspicion that Artemis might burn something." Holly said giving Artemis a grin. Artemis didn't mention his burnt hand.


End file.
